The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
