Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
MIDGETS
????
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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