New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
