Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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