I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
