Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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