Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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