I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
