party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
