we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Randomize
