it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
