I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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