sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
