i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
