I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
