I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
