Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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