I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize