Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
