The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
