Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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