You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
