We need to rekindle our bromance
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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