did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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