My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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