Tell her she can't have a vagina
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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