I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
