no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize