i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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