maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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