Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
