It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
