If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
