that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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