everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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