When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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