i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You dont lie about slip and slides
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
