I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize