HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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