he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
