how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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