if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
