im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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