Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
