my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What happened to fro yo and sex?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
