He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
