Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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