Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
