i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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