Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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