Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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