I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
