What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
