Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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