I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
