So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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