Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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