Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
