You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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