seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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