Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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