cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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